About four weeks ago, I needed a green pen and couldn’t find one. I eventually found one in my laptop bag, but only after tearing my desk apart. A few days later, I started to reorganize my workspaces. I took every item out of my desk and put them in somewhat strategic piles on my living room floor. That was followed by dusting and wiping down every surface of the desk. It felt great! But …
Those strategic piles on my living room floor? They stayed there until until Saturday. Three days ago.
Read more: 83 Pens. Really Girl?I live alone in a basement “granny flat” style of apartment. It’s small, mostly open concept, and very cozy. However, anytime something is out of place, I see it. Constantly. Usually, it’s no big deal. I’ve never been one to want a Pinterest or Instagram worthy looking home. Too sterile and seemingly perfect for me. I have enough perfectionism tendencies, I don’t need to add my home to the list. I feel most at home when it looks lived in. Not messy or dirty or crap all over the place. Just everyday “I was here” stuff. Maybe my coffee cup sitting beside my laptop. My grocery bags on the stairs to go back in the car. Heck, I even have a bra under a side table that needs a little mending. After all, that’s what a home is for right? To be lived in.
But those piles of my desk stuff on my living room floor. They definitely weren’t evidence of a lived in home. They were proof I wasn’t living my best life. And multiple daily reminders of it to boot. They made me anxious. They overwhelmed me. They kept me away from enjoying some writing or reading time in my favourite chair. They made me very stressed. They definitely weren’t good for my mental health.
Friday evening, I went out of town to see some friends. Return trip takes almost four hours. While I was driving, I listened to three podcasts from Mel Robbins. They got me all pumped up and I was looking forward to being all productivey and get some shit done on the weekend. Foremost, to get rid of those mentally draining piles on my living room floor. The common denominator in those three podcasts? Rituals and habits to help me get more organized. Exactly what I need. Or so I thought.
Yesterday, I did tackle the piles. Reorganized the drawers the way I wanted them. Shifted around stuff that belonged on the desk shelves. It looked so clean and organized, almost even pretty! I felt so accomplished! But the piles weren’t an organizing problem. They were a clutter problem. Big difference.
It just so happened that I knew I had another Mel Robbins podcast downloaded on my phone. 5 Easy Steps To Make Your Home and Your Mind Clutter-Free. I had forgotten the essence of the difference between organizing and de-cluttering. The actual stuff. I don’t need more containers or to put all of my desk items back in a picture perfect way. I need less things in my desk. I need visual white space, even in and on a white desk. Then, and only then, can they be contained, which will lead to a future of less organizing by way of having less to keep neat and tidy in the first place. A future of living the best version of myself.
After listening to that podcast, I realized I had only re-organized the stuff. I didn’t get rid of very much. I hadn’t declutttered. My desk or my mind. And chances were pretty good that I’d be doing the same tedious task again in a few months. The next time I can’t find a certain thing and tear my desk apart. Again. I don’t like that feeling. It makes me feel anxious without even knowing when it will happen. That’s suffering in advance. What a waste of time.
So today, I took another look at the stuff in my desk drawers. The papers, folders, and accessories weren’t an issue. They were all things that I either needed at my workspace, like files, or things that I wanted there, like a favourite picture. I was shocked when I looked at my pens and other writing instruments though. I even checked my work bag and various other spots where a pen might be. I took a deep breath, gathered them all up, went back to the living room floor, and dumped them. I made piles again, to sort types, colours, etc. And then I counted them. 83. Really girl???
34 blue, 12 black, 9 red, 13 other colours, 13 markers and highlighters, 2 pencils
I’d like to stay I carried on and got rid of all the excess items in my desk, including the pens. But I decided to procrastinate and go out for coffee and some writing time. I’ll get back to you later on the pen situation. If I get around to it.
In the meantime, here’s a double whammy of a quote I think I need to puzzle over …
“Clutter is the physical manifestation of
– Christina Scalise, author
unmade decisions fuel by procrastination”
Their Words. My Musings. 